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Healthy Grieving
April 14, 2008

Flower Joe Stinson

If you are dealing with the loss of a friend or loved one, the loss of a job, your health or the loss of anything you valued, this podcast addresses the symptoms of grief and how to move through the process in a healthy, positive way.

I recently lost two people I loved this year, within only a few months of each other. Before I had a chance to recover from the first loss--my beloved father-in-law, the second one loomed heavily- my step mom of 30 years just died of pancreatic cancer. I meditated at her bedside as she passed. When she left her body, spirit passed through all our hearts in a wave of love. It is an experience I will cherish always.

As I observe myself through this process, I continue to discover gifts. Gifts of life and gifts of death.

Here are personal notes from sessions with Grief Councilor, Joe Stinson featured in this show. He can be reached for private phone sessions at: 650-757-1300

GRIEF


Affects endocrine system (glandular system) – “self regulation”

Symptoms:
1. Loss of memory.
2. Difficulty following thought processes.
3. “5 Senses” are diminished – can’t take in anymore, a kind of numbness.
4. Immune system compromised leaving one vulnerable to sickness.
5. Feelings of overwhelm – mood states oscillating between sadness, depression, apathy, and/or euphoria.

6. The simple tasks of life are overwhelming.

Suggestions:
1. Eat small meals throughout the day.
2. Avoid fruit juices, alcohol, and most sugars since the pancreas (endocrine system) is an important gland in processing loss.
3. Stay connected with family and loved ones.
4. Get plenty of rest.
5. If social, choose the “right company.”
6. Less is better.

Facts:
Grief is normal, a natural process of living. It always shows up in human behavior and its physiological effects are akin to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Grief will naturally bring up other previous losses for the purpose of healing.

How does one move through the suffering into Healthy Grief?
Two Choices: (You can do both if you wish)
1. Getting out what is inside of us that is uncomfortable to a non- judgmental person.
2. Getting it out on paper – journaling of thoughts, feelings, fantasies, images, anything.

Don’t be a “fix-it” person, i.e., don’t take away the other’s suffering or try to make them okay! You can’t save another.

Key points to remember:

1. Truth – be willing to tell it and stay with it.
2. Trust – that by trusting your truth you will be guided appropriately.
3. Commitment – a commitment to be with your truth and trust yourself and the process.

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6 Votes

22 Comments

  1. Posted by M

    Thursday 1 October, 2009

    Thanks for this Podcast. I've lost four friends since the beginning of September and am reeling from the losses. I listened to this Podcast again on the drive in to work this morning. I have a lot of work to do to get past these losses and be in a better place. Thanks for your help.

  2. Posted by Haydn

    Thursday 1 October, 2009

    "To lose one parent is unfortunate. To lose two sounds like carelessness" (your interview didn't cover black humour as a coping mechanism). My mother died after about two months in a Hospice when I was 21. I dropped out half way through my Computer Science Master Degree when I was 27 to look after my father for his last year (1995). He'd made me promise to go back and finish the course. I felt numb, and although I brutalised myself to push myself, and passed the course, my behaviour was all over the place. I have grieved, but probably not fully or healthily. I found myself weeping openly in the car as I was listening you your podcast.

  3. Posted by Haydn

    Thursday 1 October, 2009

    *(continued from above) The distinction between grieving for the relationship you had, and the relationship you didn't have starts me off again as I write this, and I don't care. Pain = growth. Explosive overwhelming pain is explosive overwhelming growth. You don't have to like it, but if you don't accept the gifts, it just all down-side. In one year, I progressed from child to parent to orphan, then after he passed, internalised him (the spiritual equivalent of going into four-wheel drive). My peers whose parents are still alive - even at 40 - are still in many ways, children. Your interview laid it out in a beautifully elegant, simple, and accessible way.

  4. Posted by Kelly

    Thursday 1 October, 2009

    Hi Mike, I have a podcast with Gregg...Look back through the archives. :-)

  5. Posted by Mike

    Thursday 1 October, 2009

    Another great podcast, although I'm only quarter way into it... Anyways, I'd like to make a request that you have Gregg Bradden on sometime soon if possible. Thanks

  6. Posted by Book

    Thursday 1 October, 2009

    Thanks, Kelly. This podcast got me thinking about all the losses I've been experiencing over the last few years. I've been searching for some kind of answer in "spirituality" but have come up way short. I just can't get into it anymore. This podcast hit home. Overwhelm is my main symptom. I just couldn't understand why I felt overwhelm. I really had to acknowledge the losses. My grandfather, my mother and last year my grandmother. There has been so much to do dealing with those issues, work, and being a father to active teenagers. Now I want to work though these losses. But ironically it's overwhelming. :-) Thanks for the show. I feel like I at least have a place to start from. Don't pod-fade. Keep it up. You're doing good work. Book

  7. Posted by Nicholas

    Thursday 1 October, 2009

    Hello, I have been looking at your site for places to leave comments... Finally, a friend told me about Theatre of the Mind a few months ago and it took me a while to finally go and get the casts for my I-pod. So many things that are happening now in this reality- things I have felt and not been able to speak about with 'friends' or others because there is so much scrutiny and hiding from the truth in this country. I suppose it is always uplifting to find your not alone with your 'Crazy' ideas of the way things work. It has been a great comfort to have your show playing when I get ready in my day or do housework; because it keeps me closer to me, and in turn a more centered mind to be able to share my very busy thoughts with others more clearly.

  8. Posted by Nicholas

    Thursday 1 October, 2009

    *(continued from above) I know these programs are helping demystify the other layers of existence and reality so that it is better embraced by people what our purpose is here. The answers are all there if we are able to listen to the messages... So thank you very, very much. I do my best to spread the word of your show to as many people as I can so that we can all share the bliss of thinking and living on the planes that we are meant for... There is so much more that we are capable of. So until we cross again.... Don't stop listening... Nicholas

  9. Posted by gcoymac

    Thursday 1 October, 2009

    Kelly - Thank you for sharing and showing us how to heal thru a very difficult time. My condolances to you and your family. Sending you peace and joy.

  10. Posted by Julie

    Thursday 1 October, 2009

    Dear Kelly, You have my deepest thoughts in regards to your losses. Listening to today's show helped me deal with some thing that I thought were passed since my Father died 4 years ago, especially when helping with my Mom. Like others have stated, you have brought me so much and I have learned so much via your interviews and shows. I have come so far in such a short time! Thank you!! Sending love and light to you!

  11. Posted by Silvana

    Thursday 1 October, 2009

    Dear Kelly, Just a couple of lines to say I'm very sorry for your losses and to thank you for your wonderful work. Lots of love and growth.

  12. Posted by br0wn3n

    Thursday 1 October, 2009

    Dear Kelly, I haven't the words to describe how grateful I am to have found your podcasts. Somehow they always seem to have exactly what I need to hear, and this latest one is no exception. After nine years of caring for my last remaining grandparent, my mother's mother, she finally passed away last month. In one fell swoop I have lost my grandmother, my roommate, and my best friend. If ever someone needed your podcast on dealing with grief, it's me. Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for being an agent of positive change, for encouraging responsible growth, and for helping others to find their own paths to wholeness. In a world filled with fear-mongering and harbingers of doom, you hold forth the light of hope. Don't stop! Please don't ever stop! Bronwen P.S. I expect you'll edit this out of the posting, but I've posted the eulogy I wrote for my grandmother's memorial on my own blog. Enjoy. http://www.br0nw3n.com/blog/2008/remembering-lois-rainwater/

  13. Posted by Suzanne

    Thursday 1 October, 2009

    Dear Kelly, Something inside me said stop all the madness of the day and go see if Kelly has a new show. I sat down and saw the download ball spinning--just what i needed. I am very sorry for your loss and happy you have shared with us some of your experience. I recently lost my beloved brother Jeff, and I am struggling to stay afloat. I have no motivation and constantly forget what i´m doing. I find the dishwasher half unloaded, the bed half made, etc. etc. Your shows ALWAYS teaches me something new, but this one touched my heart. I´m so happy I can be selfish and moody without judgement. Thank you for the beautiful work you are doing and what you bring to our lives.

  14. Posted by Justin

    Thursday 1 October, 2009

    I just wanted to say i really appreciate all your work. I also wanted to say I have yet to listen to the newest podcast I have been working my way through all of the previous ones (OBSESSED haha) but I had the same thing happen to me when I was very young about 11 or 12 with both of my grandfathers. It was very hard time so I send my love to you, and its so great you have podcasts like this to help people through tough times. Thank you again for opening my mind you are brilliant!

  15. Posted by Kelly

    Thursday 1 October, 2009

    Thanks everyone. Love to you all :-)

  16. Posted by Cesar

    Thursday 1 October, 2009

    Hola Kelly.. a big hug for you from Peru.. Just stopped by to say thank you for your work.. I ve learned soo much from our interviews.. and read so fascinating books (from your guests).. I started listening a couple of your Brain Sync audios.. I feel I changed a bit.. but mind is soo hard to change. ciao bella

  17. Posted by Phu

    Thursday 1 October, 2009

    Kelly, My deepest condolences to you and your family for your loss. You are a strong wonderful soul.

  18. Posted by Chrissy D

    Thursday 1 October, 2009

    Hi Kelly, I'm unable to download this most recent podcast I iTunes...do you know why? It says it doesn't recognize your URL. Is there a way to fix this, or download this podcast? Thanks so much for these podcasts!

  19. Posted by Chrissy D

    Thursday 1 October, 2009

    Hi Kelly, I'm unable to download this most recent podcast I iTunes...do you know why? It says it doesn't recognize your URL. Is there a way to fix this, or download this podcast? Thanks so much for these podcasts!

  20. Posted by France

    Thursday 1 October, 2009

    Kelly, My heartfelt condoleances for your losses. It's good to know that you could find help, and it comes as no surprise that you would share such help with your audience. May your journey towards healing be as smooth as possible.
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